It's been more than a year since the whole incident with my guy, I think I'm finally ready to admit I'm currently single, but not sure whether I'm available.
Looking back at my entire adult life haha, I honestly think I'm the happiest when I'm single and not actively looking for someone to date. I'm generally miserable when I have a crush on someone, miserable when I'm with someone, and miserable when I'm seeking someone new.
If you look around, there are so many people who are in relationships that aren't happy and have all kinds of issues, only a rare few who are genuinely happy with who they are with in the circumstances that they are in, and I totally respect that. But to meet someone who gets you and fits you who just so happens to love you too is extremely rare. I had experienced that once but it wasn't meant to be, not in this lifetime at least...
My point is, we shouldn't be actively seeking or feel lonely about being single. I know some people who can't stay single for long, and it amazes me how they get into a new relationship so soon... I'm not judging, everyone has different needs and ways of coping and living, so just do whatever works for you right?
Just saying I'm not like that, and I don't think I will meet someone like the guy I just lost, someone who made me feel like I found the missing half of the puzzle that just made me feel complete in the most fuzzy and nauseating way, something that you wouldn't know was possible until you experienced it and you go 'Ohhhh, so that's what love feels like'.
And even with him, I wasn't actually looking at that time. I was at that point where I had accepted I was probably going to be single indefinitely after coming back from my Tokyo trip and I had this strange sense of erm independence and clarity. Then he just randomly popped up and we just hit it off from Day 1. It really sounds too good to be true, but it happened and I'm glad I got the chance to love, and be loved.
Moving forward, I'm now done with the final stages of mourning, and right now I'm just happy to be living and still be alive LOL. I believe he would want that for me. So glad I didn't do anything stupid during those dark and weak moments last year.
Now let's see who I not intentionally meet hahaha.
Happy thoughts
XOXO
