Here to update everyone...
The situation with my guy hasn't improved, barely getting updates from Canada now because his family has remained silent. Even their relatives here in Malaysia are kept out. I do know that his mum has read my super long email and has refused to allow me to reach out to him and be involved in his treatment, but at least she didn't say mean things or tell me to stay the hell away from her son, etc.. So I don't think they hate me. I respect that they want some privacy and they don't want anyone or anything that can agitate him further at the moment.
Regardless of what happens, I know I have done everything I can. The email shows them my sincerity, my character, and how much he means to me. Don't think I have ever spent so much effort to craft such a heartfelt and genuine piece. I cried writing it, and I cried reading it. At least now they have a more clear and real impression of me, and hopefully some day they will let me in. Now all I can do is wait. He needs time. His mind is still in a very bad place now.
Time has definitely helped me with the pain, that and really great support from awesome people. Still can't believe I came out to my family (except dad) and everyone is so cool about it. My mum asks me weird questions about gays from time to time that are really awkward to answer haha, but the important thing is that she accepts me, and I can tell she tries hard to understand what being gay means, even though she still doesn't really get it haha. My mum said she doesn't care whether I end up dating guys or girls, the most important thing is to be careful and don't get drugged and stuff because she has this misguided impression that MOST gays do drugs and participate in shady behaviour LOL!!
It's been 3 months now. Still don't know how I managed to get through those weeks. I was extremely emotional, contemplated suicide once, cried every single day to the point that my eyes were puffy and I lost about 5 kilos from a lack of appetite. Seeking therapy with a psychologist definitely helped. Even though he was telling me things I kind of already know, but hearing it from a professional really helps to put things in perspective. They have some skills in unlocking realizations. So don't have second thoughts about seeking therapy if something bad is bothering your life.
To the awesome friends that have stayed by my side and endured my crazy, I really do thank you guys!! I really think we have bonded under such tragic circumstances. I know it sounds stupid, but my tragedy has brought me closer to a lot of people, and I'm thankful for everyone in my life. Shoutout to Tuls for being my main pillar and venting outlet, Daniel for sharing so much with me, and KeLexie hahaha for good food and getting sprayed with pee (not human) together hahaha! And to my one and only nun sister, you're irreplaceable, I will always care about you, so glad we met up before you went back to Aussieland haha!
To those who think it's silly of me to be suffering so much over a guy, I'd say 'Fuck you, you don't know what it feels like to have the person you love ripped away from you so tragically until it actually happens to you.' I'm not sad because I feel bad for myself, I'm sad because I feel very sorry that something so unbelievable and horrible can happen to someone so decent and kind and sensitive, and not be able to reach him or do anything to help or comfort him really hurts... To see the person you love suffer and have his mind and soul tortured, and to know he feels strongly about you and wants you too, yet be kept away by his family... To miss someone so severely I didn't think it was possible for me to care about someone more than I care about myself... I would gladly suffer/die in his place if it could bring him his happiness and health back... It just hurts too much to see a loved one suffer.
I'm better now, and I continue to stay hopeful. Life goes on.
