Was It The Last Time?

You'll never really know when is the last time you will see someone, until it has happened and is too late.

No worries, nobody I know died.... I just didn't expect that the 10th of September, meaning the last time I went to the gym before my Hong Kong trip would be the last time I saw Joe.

Trying desperately to recall what our last encounter was like... to be honest I don't remember it that clearly because I thought I would see him again. I think it was at the water dispenser, I came out from the locker room with my bottle, only to see him just finished drinking and turning around. We had that weird eye contact moment again, neither of us knew what to do or say, and so I did what I do best. Pretend like it's nothing. I know it's cold and bitter, but I'm just built that way. It's not in my nature to socialize and be the first person to say something. He sort of made a detour as I was filling my bottle, he walked around me, I knew from the corner of my eye, and he made a sound like he was clearing his throat, loud enough to catch my attention. Not sure what it means.

That was our last encounter. In many ways, my Hong Kong trip symbolizes taking that next step to a new chapter and moving on with my life. You guys know I spent most of 2013 emotionally occupied with Joe, to the point that all of you are sick of me. I know. This trip was the first that I planned entirely from scratch and went on my own, and I had such a good time organizing and doing things for myself. I thought it would be a little lonely but I didn't feel that way at all over there. It was necessary distraction from all the stuff that was going on here... and for most of the time on holiday, I never thought about him because I packed my schedule so full I was too exhausted to think.

Coming back home, despite feeling happy and independent, I still felt like seeing him.... even though I knew it would immediately bring back a wave of emotions. But I never got the chance. Went to the gym 4 times already, and he was no where in sight. At first I thought, maybe he went for a trip too, and would be back this week. But no, he's not here today. And he hardly ever misses gym. My conclusion is that he has either relocated or shifted to another gym.

Maybe it's for the better. A prolonged absence may just be the remedy for this heartache of mine.

I still can't believe that was our last time. So many things that are unsaid, I know I wasted so many opportunities. Perhaps it's better that I didn't say those things. I don't know.

Joe, I'm sorry for being a horrible person. If you have ever had the slightest of feelings for me, I'm sorry I made myself so unapproachable and impossibly difficult to love. I wish nothing but the best for you, and I will always have a place in my heart for you.

HK Sauna Review! Part 1

Hi guys! Had a great time in Hong Kong. This isn't my first time traveling alone, and truthfully I enjoyed being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to. You can design your own schedule and activities, and have a room all to yourself! :P

I did and saw so much to the point that my feet were hurting every night from the walking, but you guys probably aren't interested to hear about the sight seeing and touristy stuff, so I'll head straight to the juicy bits.

Lets talk about Hong Kong men in general. Well... in my mind I was expecting them to be hotter and more buffed in general LOL, but in reality their hotness scale (based on what I saw on the streets, public transport, malls and saunas) is about the same as Malaysia. They still lose out to Singapore in terms of looks and muscles. Think SG National Service has something to do with the bodies. Hong Kong guys have this very ummm..... Chinese look LOL, as in slightly different from Malaysian Chinese.... not sure whether I like it or not, but there are distinct Chinese features hahaha.....
And in any country, there are hot guys and not so hot guys... but the bodies in general, as I said come secondary to Singapore. On Jack'd the variety was about the same as Malaysia, with the usual headless muscular bodies and cute acting guys. Nothing to shout about really.

I visited 3 saunas in total. It took a long time to decide which ones to go to, because the options are aplenty. I researched and read reviews on Gay Travel sites, as well as Fuelmix's blog which I have to say is very well written. In the end, it seemed Big Top sauna in Mongkok was the premier choice on a Friday night, while I also went to ABC sauna at Tsim Sha Tsui and Action sauna at Causeway Bay on separate days, simply because their respective locations were part of my travel itinerary and it was convenient.

I will talk about my experience in these saunas individually in coming posts. In general, Hong Kong saunas are small! We know the hotel rooms are smaller, the malls are smaller (but taller), and so the saunas are also smaller (not to mention more expensive). Despite the reduced size, I do have to give praise on the general cleanliness, ambiance and amenities provided (eg. free food, drinks, mouthrinse, relaxing area) were better than the saunas here.

Alright then, stay tuned for more details!

XOXO

Answer This

So, just a quick survey before I call it a night...

Question: Would you rather date....

1. Someone who makes you feel like you're not good enough for him

OR

2. Someone who you think you're better than (ie you're probably reaching down for him)

No judgments, no right or wrong. Just tell me what you would prefer.

I find myself generally falling for guys that make me feel like shit, which lowers my self esteem like it doesn't even exist. I then think what's wrong with me, am I not good enough for you, why would you even like someone like me, and my flaws become magnified like a thousand times, etc....

As for the guys that I think I'm too good for, the inner bitch in me just cuts them down to pieces from the get go. They don't even stand a chance in my consideration. I hate that I'm so superficial.... I can't accept someone who I think doesn't deserve me, but at the same time I want to be with someone whom I don't deserve.......

Dilemma of the night LOL....

Night nights,
XOXO