Everything seems to have settled down.
Ironically, after writing the previous post there has been a lot less responses from the dating site. I guess the initial wave is over.
Earlier I wasn't sure what to do with all the guys, now I'm not sure what to do when it's so quiet.
Currently I'm getting along with a guy on msn. I'm looking towards a relationship, so over the sex with acquaintance thing. Brian is sweet and caring, but I'm most attracted to his intelligence. The way he speaks, the things he talks about are witty. It's hard to find a man with substance, so I'm glad I met him. He is moderately hot, and also sings (slightly off tune though haha). He showed me some of his videos on YouTube and promised to record a song dedicated to me.
I know it's mushy, getting goose bumps now. Don't know how I feel. Maybe I'm getting cold feet. Just not sure if a relationship with him is good for me. Many things to consider like the age difference, culture... he is Filipino-Japanese working in KL, I'm Malaysian Chinese.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
What's Going On?
Now this is interesting. Guys coming after me. Don't be misunderstood I'm not bragging, rather I'm puzzled.
I guess I should be happy because not too long ago I was feeling so lonely. But I'm not getting real companionship now either. Most guys just want to play. Moments ago, this guy showed me his webcam of him jerking off, which makes me wonder why guys willingly flash themselves to acquaintances...
I joined a dating site recently, uploaded some pics and since then the responses come daily. I'm flattered, but I really don't get it. I've never considered myself attractive, so why do they compliment my pics? I doubt it's sincere. And they say such nice things about me even though we've never met.
Also how come everyone talks about meeting for sex within the 1st hour of the conversation? Initially I thought it was fun, but after trying it with 2 guys, Den last Sat and Jake today, I realized it's not enjoyable at all. OH, I learnt that guys can look quite different from their pics, and the promises about their giant package is also A LIE. I was so foolish to believe it hahaha.
From now on, I will only do it with someone I have feelings for.
Am I giving out the wrong message to the guys?
Resorting to dating sites seem low, but hey I have had no luck in real life. All guys I fall for turn out to be straight. So where and how can I meet someone who is genuine?
I guess I should be happy because not too long ago I was feeling so lonely. But I'm not getting real companionship now either. Most guys just want to play. Moments ago, this guy showed me his webcam of him jerking off, which makes me wonder why guys willingly flash themselves to acquaintances...
I joined a dating site recently, uploaded some pics and since then the responses come daily. I'm flattered, but I really don't get it. I've never considered myself attractive, so why do they compliment my pics? I doubt it's sincere. And they say such nice things about me even though we've never met.
Also how come everyone talks about meeting for sex within the 1st hour of the conversation? Initially I thought it was fun, but after trying it with 2 guys, Den last Sat and Jake today, I realized it's not enjoyable at all. OH, I learnt that guys can look quite different from their pics, and the promises about their giant package is also A LIE. I was so foolish to believe it hahaha.
From now on, I will only do it with someone I have feelings for.
Am I giving out the wrong message to the guys?
Resorting to dating sites seem low, but hey I have had no luck in real life. All guys I fall for turn out to be straight. So where and how can I meet someone who is genuine?
Monday, January 18, 2010
One Rude Boy
OK I met an incredibly mean guy online moments ago. Caught me off guard.
It started with decent intros, then chatting about random things, then he confessed that he was a straight forward, harsh talking guy. He said "If I like something I say I like, if I don't like then I say don't like".
This is still acceptable. I don't mind a guy who has his principles, but then he gave me his Facebook email. I didn't ask for it. After that he kept pestering me, asking why I haven't added him. I said I don't want to, I like to keep my personal life private. My fb profile has my real name, info and friends. I'm sure you understand why I refused.
Wow then came the blasting. He was obviously angry, suggesting that I cheated him, asking for his Facebook, looking at his profile then not adding him. For the record, I didn't even log on to Facebook until he started getting angry. I apologized but he was so pissed he changed his status to 'away' and ignored me.
Such a pity coz he was a good looking one haha. Classic example of a Bad Boy.
Now that I've viewed his profile, I hope he won't be able to track me and hack my various accounts under that name.
Some people really need to learn to chill.
It started with decent intros, then chatting about random things, then he confessed that he was a straight forward, harsh talking guy. He said "If I like something I say I like, if I don't like then I say don't like".
This is still acceptable. I don't mind a guy who has his principles, but then he gave me his Facebook email. I didn't ask for it. After that he kept pestering me, asking why I haven't added him. I said I don't want to, I like to keep my personal life private. My fb profile has my real name, info and friends. I'm sure you understand why I refused.
Wow then came the blasting. He was obviously angry, suggesting that I cheated him, asking for his Facebook, looking at his profile then not adding him. For the record, I didn't even log on to Facebook until he started getting angry. I apologized but he was so pissed he changed his status to 'away' and ignored me.
Such a pity coz he was a good looking one haha. Classic example of a Bad Boy.
Now that I've viewed his profile, I hope he won't be able to track me and hack my various accounts under that name.
Some people really need to learn to chill.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I Did It
Wow it happened quickly.
Most guys I chat with want to do it, esp after I tell them I'm a virgin. Trying to take advantage of an innocent boy hahahahaha. I find that funny and sexy at the same time.
It started with exchanging pics. That turned him on :)
Den wanted me to go to his place, I refused as I didn't know him well. So I suggested toilet in a mall, if anything went wrong I could run lol!
Was nervous reaching The Curve. Ran into a familiar face. Hasty introductions and small talk later he led me to a quiet toilet he found. Went into the last stall. I thought to myself "He must be experienced, being 9 years my senior and was in 3 relationships before, so the sex must be decent".
But it wasn't.
It was fun, but it wasn't really arousing for me. Must have been for him coz he cummed way too soon and he smiled cheekily saying this was the first time that happened. I guess that's a compliment. I was not even halfway there when he was done.
I thought the sensation of getting sucked would blow me instantly, but it was more discomfort than pleasure. I felt like he was biting a little. I had fun blowing him though. I did what the guys in porn do. I definitely did not bite. I used to practice on a banana so my skills shouldn't be that bad hahahahahaha.
No anal action, wanted to take it slow on my first try. And Den was really into nipples, like a fetish. Kept licking me there, I felt like laughing but of course I didn't. We had to be really quiet to not attract any attention. And he was more paranoid than me. Every time I asked him something, he would put his finger on his mouth asking me to shut up.
So even though it wasn't pleasurable, I didn't say anything. To be honest, I feel more pleasure playing on my own. After that, we talked for a while, he said he was expecting a friend so we said goodbye. I felt like being alone anyway. So I walked around, ended up in Ikea, one of my favourite places to go. But this time I didn't pay any attention to the furniture, I just walked and walked through the crowds... trying to recall what I just did in the toilet.......
Conclusion?
I need a real man. I'm gonna try it with another guy and see if gay sex lives up to my expectation.
And I have a question: I didn't get fucked or fuck anyone, so am I still a virgin?
Most guys I chat with want to do it, esp after I tell them I'm a virgin. Trying to take advantage of an innocent boy hahahahaha. I find that funny and sexy at the same time.
It started with exchanging pics. That turned him on :)
Den wanted me to go to his place, I refused as I didn't know him well. So I suggested toilet in a mall, if anything went wrong I could run lol!
Was nervous reaching The Curve. Ran into a familiar face. Hasty introductions and small talk later he led me to a quiet toilet he found. Went into the last stall. I thought to myself "He must be experienced, being 9 years my senior and was in 3 relationships before, so the sex must be decent".
But it wasn't.
It was fun, but it wasn't really arousing for me. Must have been for him coz he cummed way too soon and he smiled cheekily saying this was the first time that happened. I guess that's a compliment. I was not even halfway there when he was done.
I thought the sensation of getting sucked would blow me instantly, but it was more discomfort than pleasure. I felt like he was biting a little. I had fun blowing him though. I did what the guys in porn do. I definitely did not bite. I used to practice on a banana so my skills shouldn't be that bad hahahahahaha.
No anal action, wanted to take it slow on my first try. And Den was really into nipples, like a fetish. Kept licking me there, I felt like laughing but of course I didn't. We had to be really quiet to not attract any attention. And he was more paranoid than me. Every time I asked him something, he would put his finger on his mouth asking me to shut up.
So even though it wasn't pleasurable, I didn't say anything. To be honest, I feel more pleasure playing on my own. After that, we talked for a while, he said he was expecting a friend so we said goodbye. I felt like being alone anyway. So I walked around, ended up in Ikea, one of my favourite places to go. But this time I didn't pay any attention to the furniture, I just walked and walked through the crowds... trying to recall what I just did in the toilet.......
Conclusion?
I need a real man. I'm gonna try it with another guy and see if gay sex lives up to my expectation.
And I have a question: I didn't get fucked or fuck anyone, so am I still a virgin?
Friday, January 15, 2010
Potential First Time
Chatting with a guy now, apparently he's interested in doing it. Actually all guys I have met online want to do it.
You know, I used to believe in waiting... Waiting for the 'the one' to do it with, you know like how straight couples wait until marriage to do it.
But lately I realized that's a fool's dream.
I'm struggling between 2 temptations..
The one to be all sacred and respectful to my future partner.
And the one that just wants to go wild and try it!
A friend told me I should just do it. Chances are my future partner would have done it with many others anyway. Think of it as gaining experience.
But I just find it strange. To do it with someone u barely know, meeting for the purpose of sex. Is this really how the gay world operates???
Part of me wants to do it, part of me is scared.
You know, I used to believe in waiting... Waiting for the 'the one' to do it with, you know like how straight couples wait until marriage to do it.
But lately I realized that's a fool's dream.
I'm struggling between 2 temptations..
The one to be all sacred and respectful to my future partner.
And the one that just wants to go wild and try it!
A friend told me I should just do it. Chances are my future partner would have done it with many others anyway. Think of it as gaining experience.
But I just find it strange. To do it with someone u barely know, meeting for the purpose of sex. Is this really how the gay world operates???
Part of me wants to do it, part of me is scared.
Monday, January 11, 2010
the beginning
A new year, a new blog.
Late last year I stumbled upon many gay blogs like Jerry Kiat, and I found myself intrigued by what these bloggers have to say. It opened my eyes to the local gay world which I thought didn't really existed before this. Turns out I'm awfully naive.
I guess I opened this blog to reach out. To share my thoughts with those who are like me, to seek advise from those who have seen way more than me.
To be honest, 'gay' is a word I'm not entirely comfortable with, but that's what I am. I like guys and I can't help it.
Since I can't express my feelings openly to those around me, so I'll do it here.
Late last year I stumbled upon many gay blogs like Jerry Kiat, and I found myself intrigued by what these bloggers have to say. It opened my eyes to the local gay world which I thought didn't really existed before this. Turns out I'm awfully naive.
I guess I opened this blog to reach out. To share my thoughts with those who are like me, to seek advise from those who have seen way more than me.
To be honest, 'gay' is a word I'm not entirely comfortable with, but that's what I am. I like guys and I can't help it.
Since I can't express my feelings openly to those around me, so I'll do it here.
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