The Princess Bride (film): Difference between revisions

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The Princess Bride is a 1987 film, based on a 1973 novel, that tells a classic fairy tale, with swordplay, giants, an evil prince, a beautiful princess, and yes, some kissing (as read by a kindly grandfather).

Directed by Rob Reiner and written by William Goldman.

Westley

Hear this now: I will always come for you.

This is true love. You think this happens every day?

[Repeated line] As you wish.

[In response to Inigo asking if he has six fingers on his right hand] Do you always begin conversations this way?

[To Inigo after defeating him in a duel] I would as soon destroy a stained glass window as I would an artist such as yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either... [He knocks Inigo unconscious] Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect.

[To an unconscious Fezzik] I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But in the mean time, rest well and dream of large women.

Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.

We are men of action. Lies do not become us.

There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. T'would be a pity to damage yours.

Drop...your...sword.

Inigo Montoya

He's right on top of us! I wonder if he is using the same wind we are using?

I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.

[in response to Vizzini's repeated use of "Inconceivable!"] You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

There will be blood tonight!

[on hearing Wesley's cries of pain] Fezzik! Listen. Do you hear? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The Man in Black makes it now.

Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marrying Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour, so all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the Princess, and make our escape after I kill Count Rugen.

[repeated line] Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

[as he kills Count Rugen] I want my father back, you son of a bitch!

Fezzik

[playing a rhyming game with Inigo] Anybody want a peanut?

I only dog paddle.

You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful!

It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.

[reacting to being told that "his way" involves hitting Westley with a rock] My way's not very sportsmanlike.

Vizzini

Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those are the Shrieking Eels — if you don't believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh. If you swim back now, I promise, no harm will come to you. I doubt you will get such an offer from the Eels.

Pick up a rock, hide behind the boulder and wait for the man in black. The minute his head is in view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!

[to Westley] There's nothing to explain. You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.

[to Fezzik] And YOU! Friendless. Brainless. Helpless. Hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed? In Greenland?!

I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.

Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons.

[Repeated line] Inconceivable!

You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia," but only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" [laughs maniacally, then falls over dead]

Prince Humperdinck

My people ... a month from now, our country will have its 500th anniversary. On that sundown, I shall marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves. But perhaps you will not find her common now.

I always think everything could be a trap, which is why I'm still alive.

Iocaine! I'd bet my life on it. And there are the Princess's footprints. She is alive ... or was, an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her, I shall be very put out.

Disappeared. He must have seen us closing in, which might account for his panicking in error. Unless I am wrong, and I am never wrong, they are headed dead into the Fire Swamp.

You truly love each other, and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. And so I think no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you.

[After being tied to a chair and discovering that Westley is too weak to walk] I knew he was bluffing.

Count Rugen

[in reference to the Machine] Beautiful, isn't it? It took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present I'm writing the definitive work on the subject. So I want you to be totally honest with me on how The Machine makes you feel.

As you know, the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Well, really, that's all this is. Except that instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that would do to you. So, let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest — how do you feel?

You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago. It's simply incredible. Have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I ever heard. How marvelous.

Good heavens, are you still trying to win? You've got an over-developed sense of vengeance. It's going to get you in trouble some day.

[after Inigo repeats his revenge speech several times] Stop saying that!

Buttercup

[to Westley, in reference to Prince Humperdinck] He can track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you.

You mock my pain!

You mocked me once; never do it again! I died that day! And you can die too for all I care!

[as Westley is preparing to fight Humperdinck] Do you promise not to hurt him?!

[to Humperdinck] It comes to this: I love Westley, I always have. I know now I always will. If you tell me I must marry you in ten days, please believe I will be dead by morning.

[when Humperdinck lets slip that he is sending all of his ships out to announce his imminent wedding] All except your four fastest, of course.

Grandpa

When I was your age, "television" was called "books".

Yes, you're very smart. Shut up.

[reading] That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you."

Isn't that a wonderful beginning?

[after being asked to read the story again] As you wish.

Others

Grandson: Hold it, hold it! What is this? Are you tryin' to trick me? Where's the sports? Is this a kissing book?

Grandson: He'll pinch my cheek. I hate that.

Old Woman: Your true love lives and you marry another — True love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse! So, bow down to her if you want. Bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo!

Miracle Max: You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Valerie: Chocolate coating makes it go down easier.

Impressive Clergyman: Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove…Have you the wing?

Dialogue

Grandson: Has it got any sports in it?

Grandfather: Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles!

Grandson: Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try and stay awake.

Grandfather: [sarcastically] Oh, well, thank you. That's very kind of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming.

Westley: Hear this now, I will always come for you.

Buttercup: But how can you be sure?

Westley: This is true love. You think this happens every day?

[Buttercup encounters Vizzini, Inigo and Fezzik standing by the side of a road.]

Vizzini: A word, m'lady? We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?

Buttercup: There is nothing nearby. Not for miles.

[Fezzik steps toward Buttercup]

Vizzini: Then there will be no one to hear you scream. [Fezzik renders Buttercup unconscious]

Inigo: What is that you're ripping?

Vizzini: It's fabric from the uniform of an Army officer of Guilder.

Fezzik: Who's Guilder?

Vizzini: The country across the sea. The sworn enemy of Florin. [slaps the horse's rump] Go! Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspect the Guilderians have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed.

Fezzik: You never said anything about killing anyone.

Vizzini: I've hired you to help me start a war. It's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition.

Fezzik: I just don't think it's right, killing an innocent girl.

Vizzini: Am I going mad or did the word "think" escape your lips!? You were not hired for your brains, you hippopotamic land mass!

Inigo Montoya: I agree with Fezzik.

Vizzini: Oh, the sot has spoken! What happens to her is not truly your concern. I will kill her! And remember this. Never forget this! [to Inigo] When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy! [to Fezzik] And you! Friendless. Brainless. Helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed? In Greenland!?

[Aboard Vizzini's boat.]

Inigo: That Vizzini, he can fuss.

Fezzik: Fuss... Fuss... I think he likes to scream at us.

Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no harm.

Fezzik: He's really very short on charm.

Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.

Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.

Vizzini: Enough of that.

Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?

Fezzik: If there are, we'll all be dead.

Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!

Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

Vizzini: [screams in frustration]

[Fezzik is climbing a rope up a vertical rock face, carrying Vizzini, Inigo and Buttercup. The Man in Black has started climbing the rope as well.]

Vizzini: Faster!

Fezzik: I thought I was going faster.

Vizzini: You were supposed to be this colossus! You were this great, legendary thing! And yet he gains!

Fezzik: Well, I'm carrying three people. And he's got only himself.

Vizzini: I do not accept excuses! I'm just going to have to find myself a new giant, that's all.

Fezzik: Don't say that, Vizzini. Please?

[Vizzini cuts the rope Fezzik used to climb up the cliff, supposedly sending the Man in Black falling to his death. However, when he peers over the edge, he sees the Man in Black clinging to the rock wall.]

Vizzini: He didn't fall? Inconceivable!

Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Vizzini: Whoever he is, he's obviously seen us with the Princess, and must therefore die. [to Fezzik, pointing to Buttercup] You, carry her. [to Inigo] We'll head straight for the Guilder frontier. Catch up when he's dead. If he falls, fine. If not, the sword.

Inigo Montoya: I want to duel him left-handed.

Vizzini: You know what a hurry we're in!

Inigo Montoya: Well, it's the only way I can be satisfied. If I use my right — tch — over too quickly.

Vizzini: Oh, have it your way.

Fezzik: You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.

Inigo Montoya: Hello there. [The Man In Black glances up and grunts] Slow going?

Man in Black: Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this is not as easy as it looks. So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me.

Inigo Montoya: Sorry.

Man in Black: Thank you.

[A moment passes. Inigo returns to the edge.]

Inigo Montoya: I do not suppose you could speed things up?

Man in Black: If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope, or a tree branch, or find something useful to do.

Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I've got some rope up here. But I do not think that you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.

Man in Black: That does put a damper on our relationship.

Inigo Montoya: But I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top.

Man in Black: That's very comforting. But I'm afraid you'll just have to wait.

Inigo Montoya: I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard.

Man in Black: No good. I've known too many Spaniards.

Inigo Montoya: Is there any way you'll trust me?

Man in Black: Nothing comes to mind.

Inigo Montoya: [seriously] I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive.

Man in Black: [pauses] Throw me the rope.

Inigo Montoya: I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?

Man in Black: Do you always begin conversations this way?

Inigo Montoya: My father was slaughtered by a six-fingered man.

[The Man in Black holds up his hand, revealing only five fingers.]

Inigo Montoya: He was a great swordmaker, my father. And when the six-fingered man appeared and requested a special sword, my father took the job. He slaved a year before he was done. [unsheaths his sword and hands it to the Man in Black]

Man in Black: [examines the sword with admiration] I have never seen its equal. [hands it back to Inigo]

Inigo Montoya: The six-fingered man returned and demanded it, but at one-tenth his promised price. My father refused. Without a word, the six-fingered man slashed him through the heart. I loved my father, so naturally, I challenged his murderer to a duel. I failed. Six-fingered man leave me alive, but he gave me this. [points to a scar on first one cheek, then the other]

Man in Black: How old were you?

Inigo Montoya: I was eleven years old. When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to the study of fencing. So the next time we meet, I will not fail. I will go up to the six-fingered man and say, "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Man in Black: You've done nothing but study swordplay?

Inigo Montoya: More pursuit than study lately. You see, I cannot find him. It's been twenty years now. I am starting to lose confidence. I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge.

Man in Black: [standing up after a pause in the conversation] Well, I certainly hope you find him someday.

Inigo Montoya: You are ready, then?

Man in Black: Whether I am or not, you've been more than fair.

Inigo Montoya: [assumes fighting stance] You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.

Man in Black: [also assumes fighting stance] You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.

Inigo Montoya: [enthusiastically] Begin!

Inigo Montoya: You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, eh?

Man in Black: I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.

Inigo Montoya: Naturally you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro.

Man in Black: Naturally. But I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don't you?

Inigo Montoya: [pushes the Man in Black off a shelf onto lower ground] Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa, which I have! [jumps and flips over the Man in Black]

Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful!

Man in Black: Thank you. I've worked hard to become so.

Inigo Montoya: I admit it. You are better than I am.

Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?

Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know.

Man in Black: And what is that?

Inigo Montoya: I am not left-handed! [switches to fighting with his right hand]

[The two continue to fight, until the Man in Black is backed against the cliff edge]

Man in Black: You're amazing!

Inigo Montoya: I ought to be, after twenty years.

Man in Black: There's something I ought to tell you.

Inigo Montoya: Tell me.

Man in Black: I'm not left-handed either. [switches his sword to his right hand]

[The Man in Black has just performed an impressive dismount from a parallel bar.]

Inigo Montoya: Who are you?

Man in Black: No one of consequence.

Inigo Montoya: I must know.

Man in Black: Get used to disappointment.

Inigo Montoya: [shrugs] Okay. [resumes fighting]

[Inigo has been defeated in the duel]

Inigo Montoya: Kill me quickly.

Man in Black: I would as soon destroy a stained glass window than an artist like yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either... [thumps Inigo in the back of the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking him unconscious] Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect.

[A rock smashes into a boulder just in front of the Man in Black]

Fezzik: [steps out from a set of boulders holding another rock] I did that on purpose. I don't have to miss.

Man in Black: I believe you. So what happens now?

Fezzik: We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.

Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?

Fezzik: [holds up his rock] I could kill you now.

Man in Black: Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.

Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.

Fezzik: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid, or something like that?

Man in Black: Oh no. It's just that they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.

[The Man in Black causes Fezzik to fall unconscious.]

Man in Black: [checks to make sure Fezzik is still alive] I do not envy the headache you will have when you wake up. But in the meantime, sleep well, and dream of large women. [picks up his sword and continues pursuing Vizzini]

[The Man in Black has just challenged Vizzini to a battle of wits for the Princess, to the death.]

Man in Black: [hands a small tube to Vizzini] Inhale this, but do not touch.

Vizzini: [sniffs the tube] I smell nothing.

Man in Black: What you do not smell is called iocaine powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the deadliest poisons known to man.

Vizzini: [smirks] Hmm...

[The Man in Black takes the two wine goblets and turns away from Vizzini. He returns a moment later and, after shifting the goblets around quickly, sets them down in front of himself and Vizzini. Vizzini smirks again.]

Man in Black: Now, where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right, and who is dead.

[The Man in Black challenges Vizzini to determine which goblet of wine is poisoned.]

Vizzini: But it's so simple! All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Man in Black: You've made your decision then?

Vizzini: Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

Man in Black: Truly you have a dizzying intellect.

Vizzini: Wait 'til I get going! [small pause] Where was I?

Man in Black: Australia.

Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!

Man in Black: You're just stalling now.

Vizzini: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?! You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!

Man in Black: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.

Vizzini: It has worked! You've given everything away! I know where the poison is!

Man in Black: Then make your choice.

Vizzini: I will! And I choose... [points behind the Man in Black and gasps] What in the world can that be?

Man in Black: [Turns to look while Vizzini switches the goblets] What? Where? I don't see anything.

Vizzini: Oh, well, I-I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. [chuckles]

Man in Black: What's so funny?

Vizzini: I'll tell you in a minute, but first, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.

[Vizzini and the Man in Black pick up their respective goblets and, after some gesturing by Vizzini, they drink. Vizzini continues to chuckle.]

Man in Black: [setting down his goblet] You guessed wrong.

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! [laughs openly] You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!" [laughs maniacally for a few seconds, then stops abruptly and falls over dead.]

Buttercup: If you'll release me ... whatever you ask for ransom, you'll get it, I promise you...

Man in Black: And what is that worth, the promise of a woman? You're very funny, Highness.

Buttercup: I was giving you a chance! It does not matter where you take me. There's no greater hunter than Prince Humperdinck. He could track a falcon on a cloudy day. He can find you.

Man in Black: You think your dearest love will save you?

Buttercup: I never said he was my dearest love! And yes, he will save me. That I know.

Man in Black: You admit to me you do not love your fiance?

Buttercup: He knows I do not love him.

Man in Black: "Are not capable of love" is what you mean.

Buttercup: [indignant] I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream!

[The Man In Black cocks his hand back, ready to slap Buttercup. She flinches.]

Man in Black: That was a warning, Highness. The next time, my hand flies on its own. Where I come from, there are penalties when a woman lies.

Buttercup: I know who you are. Your cruelty reveals everything! You're the Dread Pirate Roberts; admit it!

Man in Black: [bows] With pride! What can I do for you?

Buttercup: You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces.

Man in Black: [shakes his head] Hardly complimentary, Your Highness. Why loose your venom on me?

Buttercup: You killed my love.

Man in Black: It's possible; I kill a lot of people. Who was this love of yours? Another Prince, like this one, ugly, rich, and scabby? [sits down nearby]

Buttercup: No. A farm boy. [gazing off into space in remembrance] Poor. Poor and perfect, with eyes like the sea after a storm. [pauses briefly, then focuses back on the Man in Black] On the high seas, your ship attacked, and the Dread Pirate Roberts never takes prisoners.

Man in Black: [leaning back leisurely against a rock] I can't afford to make exceptions. Once word leaks out that a pirate has gone soft, people begin to disobey you, and then it's nothing but work, work, work, all the time.

Buttercup: You mock my pain!

Man in Black: Life is pain, Highness! Anyone who says differently is selling something. [gets up and wanders around near Buttercup] I remember this farm boy of yours, I think. This would be, what, five years ago? Does it bother you to hear?

Buttercup: [not looking at the Man in Black] Nothing you can say will upset me.

Man in Black: He died well, that should please you. No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said, "Please. Please, I need to live." It was the "please" that caught my memory. I asked him what was so important for him. "True love," he replied. And then he spoke of a girl of surpassing beauty and faithfulness. I can only assume he meant you. You should bless me for destroying him before he found out what you really are.

Buttercup: And what am I?

Man in Black: Faithfulness he talked of, madam, your enduring faithfulness! Now, tell me truly. When you found out he was gone, did you get engaged to your prince that same hour, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?

Buttercup: [standing up, more indignant than before] You mocked me once, never do it again! I died that day!

[The Man in Black turns to see Humperdinck's hunting party riding past on the hill above them.]

Buttercup: And you can die too for all I care! [pushes him down the hill]

Man in Black: [tumbling down the hill] Aaaass yooooouuu wiiiiish!

Buttercup: [shocked] Oh, my sweet Westley, what have I done? [jumps down the hill after him]

[Westley and Buttercup finish tumbling down the hill.]

Westley: Can you move at all?

Buttercup: Move? You're alive. If you want, I could fly.

Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?

Buttercup: Well... you were dead.

Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.

Buttercup: I will never doubt again.

Westley: There will never be a need.

Buttercup: [eyeing the Fire Swamp nervously] We'll never survive!

Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.

Westley: [entering the fire swamp] It's not that bad.

[Buttercup stares at him incredulously.]

Westley: I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.

[Westley and Buttercup are traversing the fire swamp. All the while, Westley is cutting away vines with his sword.]

Westley: This will all soon be but a happy memory. Roberts' ship "Revenge" is anchored at the far end. And I, as you know, am Roberts.

Buttercup: But how is that possible, since he's been marauding twenty years and you only left me five years ago?

Westley: I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks. You see, what I told you before about saying "please" was true. It intrigued Roberts, as did my descriptions of your beauty. Finally, Roberts decided something. He said, "All right, Westley, I've never had a valet. You can try it for tonight. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." Three years he said that. "Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning." It was a fine time for me. I was learning to fence, fight, anything anyone would teach me. And Roberts and I eventually became friends. And then it happened.

Buttercup: What? Go on.

Westley: Well, Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. So he took me to his cabin and told me his secret. "I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts," he said. "My name is Ryan. I inherited this ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Dread Pirate Roberts, either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired fifteen years and living like a king in Patagonia." Then he explained the name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew, and he stayed aboard for a while as first mate, all the time calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed, he left the ship and I have been Roberts ever since. Except, now that we're together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else. Is everything clear to you?

Buttercup: [nods at Westley, then gives him a confused expression]

[Westley rescues Buttercup from a pit of lightning sand]

Buttercup: [recovering] We'll never succeed — we may as well die here.

Westley: No. No. We have already succeeded. I mean, what are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One, the flame spurts. No problem. There's a popping sound preceding each, we can avoid that. Two, the Lightning Sand. But you were clever enough to discover what that looks like, so in the future we can avoid that too.

Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.'s?

Westley: Rodents of Unusual Size? I think they don't exist. [an R.O.U.S. attacks him on cue.]

[When surrounded by Humperdinck's guards]

Prince Humperdinck: Surrender!

Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well - I accept.

Prince Humperdinck: For the last time, surrender!

Westley: Death first!!

Buttercup: [to the Prince] Do you promise not to hurt him?

Prince Humperdinck and Westley: What was that?

Westley: Where am I?

Albino: [whispering harshly] THE PIT OF DESPAIR! DON'T EVEN THINK— [clears his throat and proceeds in a normal voice.] Don't even think about trying to escape.

Count Rugen: Are you coming down into the Pit? Westley's got his strength back. I am starting him on The Machine tonight.

Humperdinck: Tyrone, you know how much I love watching you work. But, I've got my country's five hundredth anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped.

Count Rugen: Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

[Humperdinck orders Yellin to form a brute squad and clear out the Thieves' Den.]

Yellin: It won't be easy.

Humperdink: Try ruling the world some time.

[Inigo pounds on a door]

Miracle Max: [from inside] Go away!

[Inigo pounds again]

Miracle Max: [opening a small window in the door] What? What?

Inigo Montoya: Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the King all those years?

Miracle Max: The King's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed! [slams the window closed]

[Inigo pounds again]

Miracle Max: [opening the window again] Beat it, or I'll call the Brute Squad!

Fezzik: I'm on the Brute Squad.

Miracle Max: [looking at Fezzik] You are the Brute Squad!

Inigo Montoya: We need a miracle. It's very important.

Miracle Max: Look, I'm retired. And besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle.

Inigo Montoya: He's already dead.

Miracle Max: [pauses] He is, eh? I'll take a look. Bring him in.

Miracle Max: See, there's a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Now, mostly dead: he's slightly alive. All dead, well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do.

Inigo: What's that?

Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Miracle Max: You got any money?

Inigo: Sixty-five.

Miracle Max: Seesh. I never worked for so little. Except once, and that was a very noble cause.

Inigo: This is noble, sir. His wife is... crippled. His children are on the brink of starvation.

Miracle Max: [flatly] Are you a rotten liar.

Inigo: I need him to help avenge my father. Murdered these 20 years.

Miracle Max: Your first story was better.

[Miracle Max inflates Westley's chest with a bellows.]

Miracle Max: Hey! Hello in there. Hey! What's so important? What you got here that's worth living for? [presses on Westley's chest to force the air back out]

Westley: [faintly] Truuuuueee.... looooooovvveee.....

Inigo Montoya: [excited] True love! You heard him! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that.

Miracle Max: Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT, a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that. But that's not what he said! He distinctly said "to blave." And, as we all know, "to blave" means "to bluff," huh? So you're probably playing cards, and he cheated—

Valerie: [popping out from another room] Liar! LIAR! LI-A-A-AR!

Miracle Max: Get back, witch!

Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife! But after what you just said, I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore!

Miracle Max: You never had it so good.

Valerie: "True love!" He said, "true love," Max! My God—

Miracle Max: Don't say another word, Valerie.

Valerie: [to the others] He's afraid. Ever since Prince Humperdinck fired him, his confidence is shattered.

Miracle Max: Why'd you say that name? You promised me that you would never say that name!

Valerie: What, Humperdinck? Humperdinck. [begins chasing Max around the house] Humperdinck. Ooo-ooo, Humperdinck!

Miracle Max: [holding his hands over his ears] I'm not listening!

Valerie: True love, life expiring and you don't have the decency to say why you won't help!

Miracle Max: Nobody's hearing nothing!

Valerie: [continues repeating "Humperdinck" at Max]

Inigo Montoya: [simultaneously] This is Buttercup's true love! If you heal him, he will stop Humperdinck's wedding.

Miracle Max: [quiets Valerie] Wait, wait- I make him better, Humperdinck suffers?

Inigo Montoya: Humiliations galore!

Miracle Max: [laughs and sings briefly] That is a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five. I'm on the job!

[As Inigo and Fezzik leave with the miracle pill]

Miracle Max: Have fun storming the castle!

Valerie: [aside, to Max] Do ya think it'll work?

Miracle Max: It would take a miracle. [calling out] Bye bye!

[Fezzik, Inigo and Westley scare off Yellin's guards with an impressive display involving a holocaust cloak, then prevent Yellin from closing the portcullis at the castle gate.]

Westley: Give us the gate key.

Yellin: I have no gate key.

Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, tear his arms off.

Yellin: [pulls out the key] Oh, you mean this gate key!

[Buttercup kisses the old, senile king on the cheek]

King: What was that for?

Buttercup: Because you've always been so kind to me. And I won't be seeing you again, since I'm killing myself once we reach the Honeymoon Suite.

King: [smiling] Won't that be nice? [calling out to the Queen] She kissed me!

[Inigo, having just been critically injured, gets up and starts advancing on Rugen.]

Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

[The two fight for a moment, then pause]

Inigo Montoya: Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Count Rugen: Stop saying that!

[More fighting ensues. Inigo gains the upper hand.]

Inigo Montoya: [yelling] Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!

Count Rugen: No!

[Inigo slices Rugen's cheek]

Inigo Montoya: Now! Offer me money!

Count Rugen: Yes!

Inigo Montoya: [Inigo slices the other cheek] Power too! Promise me that.

Count Rugen: All that I have and more. Please...

Inigo Montoya: [steps back and gestures dramatically] Offer me everything I ask for!

Count Rugen: Anything you want!

[Rugen takes another lunge at Inigo. Inigo parries and stabs Rugen through the stomach.]

Inigo Montoya: I want my father back, you son of a bitch. [thrusts his sword into Rugen, then pulls it back out, leaving him to die.]

Buttercup: Oh, Westley, will you ever forgive me?

Westley: What hideous sin have you committed lately?

Buttercup: I got married. I didn't want to. It all happened so fast.

Westley: It never happened.

Buttercup: What?

Westley: It never happened.

Buttercup: But it did. I was there. This old man said, "Man and wife."

Westley: Did you say, "I do"?

Buttercup: [confused] No. We sort of skipped that part.

Westley: Then you're not married. If you didn't say it, you didn't do it.

[Westley is lying weak on the bed, having just been challenged by Prince Humperdinck.]

Humperdinck: To the death!

Westley: No! To the pain.

Humperdinck: [pauses] I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.

Westley: I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.

Humperdinck: [flinching angrily] That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.

Westley: It won't be the last. "To the pain" means the first thing you lose will be your feet, below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.

Humperdinck: [losing his patience] And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.

Westley: I wasn't finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right—

Humperdinck: [exasperated] And then my ears, I understand! Let's get on with it—

Westley: WRONG! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

Humperdinck: [pauses] I think you're bluffing.

Westley: It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all. [standing slowly and holding out his sword] Drop. Your. Sword.

Fezzik: Inigo! Inigo! Where are you? [Inigo appears at the window] Ah, there you are. Inigo, I saw the Prince's stables, and there they were, four white horses. And I thought, there are four of us, if we ever find the lady. [Buttercup appears at the window] Hello, lady! So I took them with me, in case we ever bumped into each other. I guess we just did.

Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, you did something right.

Fezzik: Don't worry. I won't let it go to my head.

Inigo Montoya: You know, it's very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long. Now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.

Westley: Have you ever considered piracy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.

Grandfather: They rode to freedom. And as dawn arose, Westley and Buttercup knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for each other... [closes the book]

Grandson: What? What?

Grandfather: Nah, it's kissing again. You don't want to hear it.

Granson: I don't mind so much.

Grandfather: Okay. [opens the book again] Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. [closes the book] The End.

Grandson: Grandpa... maybe you could come back and read it to me again tomorrow?

Grandfather: As you wish.

Taglines

Scaling the Cliffs of Insanity, Battling Rodents of Unusual Size, Facing torture in the Pit of Despair. - True love has never been a snap.

It's as real as the feelings you feel

Heroes. Giants. Villains. Wizards. True Love. - Not just your basic, average, everyday, ordinary, run-of-the-mill, ho-hum fairy tale.

She gets kidnapped. He gets killed. But it all ends up okay.

Cast

Cary Elwes - Westley/Man in Black
Mandy Patinkin - Inigo Montoya
Chris Sarandon - Prince Humperdinck
Christopher Guest - Count Tyrone Rugen
Wallace Shawn - Vizzini
André the Giant - Fezzik
Fred Savage - The Grandson
Robin Wright Penn - Buttercup/The Princess Bride
Peter Falk - The Grandfather
Peter Cook - The Impressive Clergyman
Mel Smith - The Albino
Carol Kane - Valerie
Billy Crystal - Miracle Max

External links

Wikipedia

Wikipedia has an article about:

The Princess Bride (film)

@@ Line 323: / Line 323: @@
 :'''Man in Black''': You're just stalling now.
 :'''Vizzini''': You'd like to ''think'' that, wouldn't you?! You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
-:'''Man in Black''': You're trying to trick me into giving away something — it won't work.
+:'''Man in Black''': You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
 :'''Vizzini''': It ''has'' worked! You've given ''everything'' away! I know where the poison is!
 :'''Man in Black''': Then make your choice.