Always be remembered.

May this time of trial will unite everyone regardless of race or religion, to join hands in prayer, to pray for peace to our country, to keep all of us from harm.

May God save Sabah, Sarawak, Labuan.
May God save Malaya.
May God save Malaysia.
Have mercy on us.  
Grant us peace.

Amen.


"When prayers goes up, the blessings comes down." ~ Unknown

Flashback.

Coming to the half of the year 2014. 

Damai Beach, Kuching

Where we stayed nearby

Where I stayed during the tournament weekend.

Went for my first paintball tournament for year 2014 in Kuching last May, a week before the Kaamatan holidays.  First tournament for the year. Imagine that.  Things were not that easy for us this year...it is weird to see the bags just placed there, with no dirt, paint splatters or anything like it...feels weird pacing around without any bruises once every 2-3 months like I used to in the past years.  

 Kuching landmark 

view from the waterfront at night

Met great friends, make new friends...new experiences.  Good hospitality, superb food.  A stray Kat joining Supergrass this year and I am grateful, honoured to play with the awesome Sarawakian ladies and enjoyed my week.  No, I didn't bring home a medal, but it does feel as if we got first place, at least that's how I look at it.

 View from the sky of the tournament arena in Damai Central, Kuching.

I was somewhere down there, maybe at the food court, or 7-11...I think. LOL.

My ID tag for this year.

To be honest, I do feel down 2 weeks before tournament, and at the edge of almost wanted to cancel this trip, let the tickets burn, stay in KK and sulk in the corner wondering if that's the right thing to do.  Truth to be told, I am so unmotivated, sad and had so many issues going on that my spirit is already waiting to break into pieces anytime.

Never got tired of Kuching Laksa...start with laksa, ended my Kuching visit with laksa too!

Then came back whine about my allergies..LOL

On the day I flew, it was sunny in KK then started to rain in Miri when I get down for transit to Kuching.  All the way I kept, if this is an omen to tell me that this is a mistake; why do I ever think of playing with someone's team...am I good enough...what if I let them down...and so many more played in my mind.  The comfort of the food the moment I touched down in Kuching made me forgot the unhappy thoughts for a while, but even in my sleep these questions still bothers me in my dreams. 

sampling the famous sarawak layer cakes is so much fun!

24th May 2014.  First day of Kuching Cup 3 vs 3 2014 in Damai Central.  The lingering thoughts still bothers me as I sat at the verandah in our room in Damai Puri Resort, watching at the pouring rain that has been non-stop since 7am that morning.  Not too late to pull out, I told myself.  My other team mate felt the same too, but I told her we will decide about it when all of us gathered at the field.  But seeing the face of the team captain, Carol does slaps me back to reality.  The looks of people who wanted us to play, who encouraged us to play.  So I did.  So we did.

Dinner at Escobar after the first day tournament ended.  

Forgetting about tournament just for the night.

Despite with the gastric pain that constantly attacked me, aching back and knees (age factor I guess!), we managed to finish 4th placing after battle it all out for 2 days. 

Team Supergrass line up 2014: Daff, Carole and Me. 

Should taken the pix when Catherine was around.

So here I am, back in KK.  Back to reality.  Holiday is over, whined over the allergies I got from the holiday (for not controlling my food intake of what I can and cannot eat...padan muka) and work.  

Came to think about it, I am glad that I didn't ran away from accepting the challenge I gave myself. I am glad that I boarded the plane instead of crying in regret in my room.  

Thank you for welcoming me to your home.

Missing the two little angels already. uhuhuhu....

I wasn't alone at all.  
I met a bunch of awesome people who made me laugh, who welcomed me with open arms and accepting me into their fold. 

Thank you everyone.

Get me self Motivated!

I need that motivation to start...else I had to get myself a new pair of paintball pants real soon!

3rd Month of 2014

Coming towards the end of the 3rd month of the year. 

Things are getting pretty slow this year, except my weight.  (Yes, I admit this.)

With so many issues going on with paintball markers as such, many events was postponed into a later date.  So yours truly here...is been slacking on her training and work out.  Instead, doing lots of pigging in..and ignored the scale for the past 3 months.  (Geez, put on those running shoes and start running already!!!)

I went for a short trip to KL last weekend to attend the Malaysia Paintball Federation meeting, nothing much I did in between, well food is still a must; managed to spend a little bit time with friends, barely a short getaway from work at home.  Weather is dry and hot...being outdoors with 31-34 degrees Celsius is a no joke.  *sigh*

It seems that nothing I said was right lately.  There is always someone, somebody feel offended and it really made me feel like it's best I just shut up and do my work...say nothing at all.

Then came with the sad news of the missing MAS flight MH370.  Missing? Crashed? Hijacked?  It will remain a mystery.  After a little more than 2 weeks of hoping, praying, waiting, wishing...we finally given the news that MH370 was crashed somewhere in Indian Ocean.  

While most of us sending our condolences, prayers, words of comfort to the family and friends of those on board MH370, there are still clinging to little hope that there is still chances it just an error, perhaps a miracle that there are survivors that will come back and tell their stories. 

Call me cold, call me heartless...or an unbeliever.  I am keeping my opinions to myself.  Perhaps some didn't agree when I posted my condolences on my Facebook timeline.  "It's not confirmed until we see something - found that plane, pick up a debris...anything."  

Let me say something - Just because it wasn't there, doesn't mean that it didn't exist.  Perhaps there are certain things that it's best we shouldn't know for now, or maybe...ever.

Let there be a closure to the family and friends.  
Let go, and let God.

I rest my case.

Try or Set it Free.

A friend asked me, "How do you get over someone that breaks your heart?"

My answer, "You don't.  You moved on, but that someone will always be there - in your memories.  Those tears, laughter you shared.  The good and bad times.  It's a healed wound, but the scar will be there. Each time you see those scars, it will remind you how strong you have been, how far you have been.  So the question is, would you want that wound to heal?"

Came to think about it, everything has a good start.  It starts with a hello.  It starts with a smile.  It starts with a heart that's open and accepting.  Somehow, it ends.  And it hurts.  Maybe to either one of the two, or maybe both.  Something that is good became...something so hurtful.  Love turns hate.  

I had my share.  Happy times, sad times, just like anybody else.

I believed that there is always something good in everyone, and I choose to see that.  Sometimes, people don't change.  They just showing their true colors.  Good things came to us as a blessing, the bad things happened as a lesson.

"I tried.  I wanted to worked it out, but it just don't work out the way I wanted."
Isn't everyone?  Here's the thing that most of us, including me always forgot to tell to ourselves, "At least I tried.  At least he/she tried.  At least we tried."

"If it doesn't work out?"
Set it free.  The hardest part, yes I know.  Easy said than done, yes I knew it too.  I did it.  No, I didn't do it because I don't have enough love to work for it (hello...this is reality!!!).  I didn't let go because I don't value that someone.  I did it because...I respect myself that I don't want to hurt myself with more lies and false hopes.  I did it because there is no point to hurt both sides by trying to chain a soul that no longer wants to be around me.

"Will he/she remember me, for all the things we did?  All the happy times together?"
Who knows?  If they truly did, even once loved us, maybe.  But if they don't...it's their loss for letting someone that appreciates them go.  

If it's meant to be, things will work out.  But if it doesn't, accept the fact that you deserve something better. Something good is waiting to be stored in your life...if only you willing to let go of people that no longer matters.

Hurt.  Forgive.  Move on.

Woi...go to work lah!!!! Have a nice day everyone!