
[So many random thoughts going on in my head. Scattered yet connected and I find myself reflective this season. And hopeful. It helps me to get my thoughts out even if they are unrefined. To process and understand my own self a bit better by speaking out loud or writing things down. So much more to say but for now follow along as best you can… ]
I LOVE reading Ann Voskamp’s blog. If you know her story, you know she has had tragedy in her life. She is a real woman with real life struggles. Which makes her like us : ) Because who that has lived life, has lived a life unscathed, unmarked by the world? But the way she thinks about God and then puts those thoughts into words is unique. It’s like a glimpse into her soul and
sometimes her words are so deep that they are too much. Too much for my heart to bear. It’s like you find yourself sitting among the sacred and you can almost see her heart that longs for our God. The thing I love is that she puts into words so well a heart that so often reflects my own.
This Christmas I’ve thought more about Jesus’ birth than I maybe ever have before. Going through an advent devotional made it real for me in a new way. I found myself eager to see what was coming next in the story. This story I had heard already a million times. Would Jesus really come as a helpless babe? Would Joseph reject his promised Mary, would he walk away and not come back? Would the shepherds be amazed? Were the angels in awe themselves that the time had finally come? Would Herod find Jesus, would the family escape? Would the story be over? Would the star actually lead the wise men to Jesus? With Simeon getting older, would he really live to hold the Messiah? So much to ponder. So much wonder. And so much new to see in the old and familiar. What a wonderful gift!
Many days I let the world get in the way of my being able to see my Father’s heart for me. (Don’t worry, this transition makes sense in my head : ) Watching the lives of the rich and famous on TV who are so perfect on the outside but lost on the inside brings on a pity but also creeping fears and doubts. Magazines that tell me beauty is something to be worshiped, that my value comes from the external and who I really am is not what really matters. Lies that creep into my life, my emotions, my heart. It’s difficult to admit that I’ve allowed so many harmful things direct access to my heart. Things that in the moment seem innocent but little by little I’m seeing more clearly are from the enemy. Because if I’m honest I know that every time I think on things that are far from pure or lovely, that I know are not from Him, a part of my heart dies a little bit. And piece by piece I give it away, becoming more attached to the lies and less to Him.
But why?
Why do I fill my soul with nothingness when a perfect love is ready and waiting to fill me up?
Why does it hurt to consider giving up idols that I know are meaningless?
Why is false love so deceptive?
Why is it so scary to walk away?
Do I doubt his love?
Do I question whether he is enough to fill me up?
Do I trust him?
I loved our Christmas’ growing up, the gifts, the family memories, the time spent together. But I love Ann Voskamp’s perspective on Christmas
here and it strikes a chord in my heart. I wonder how the way I celebrate Christmas has anything to do with Jesus. What things are on
his heart this holiday season?
What things are on his heart every day?
So many things to mull over, so many new things to consider…
Do you wonder as I do how to touch the amazing? Does your heart yearn like mine does for something more? Are you filling your voids with the lovely and pure or are you filling those places with water from a well that is anything but true?
Does any of this ring familiar in your sprit? And how, I mean really how do we get back to the beginning? To live in the world yet keep our hearts safely dwelling in the forever?
Do I really believe His love is enough for me?
Do I?
What difference would this make in my life?
I’m thankful for time.
I’m thankful for an eternity to think on these things…to ponder the amazing.
Full of thankfulness and preparing my heart for change again.
Brenda