Ranting

Oh shooot! I got a summon! Traffic violation dated 2-May-08. For what? Speeding? Found no description. What?!! 500! Urgh!! I went to traffic department asking for description. That fat lady is chewing something in her mouth… ok it was nuts, all over her table… So, what is this violation about? She checked …oh that could be because you left your car key inside the car. What?! I did not do that, impossible! And it does not make sense to me. She checked again… oh this could be because you park at the wrong place. What? Where? I need more detail, picture? I did not receive any ticket on my car that day. She shrugged saying I donnnno…Damnmit, hopeless! The office is closing, so I left and went back to my apartment.

Ok let me recall… May…Damn now is end of June… It was Friday…what and where the hell I went…let check on the picture taken with my digital camera and my blog!, brilliant! Oh ya, I was in shopping complex, time of violation at 8.30. 8.30pm?! I was in the cinema! My car was parked in the shopping complex! Now the picture is clearer to me. What the hell is this traffic police doing in the carpark!! Ya I admit that when I find no lot, I would sometimes park my car on the edge between the columns, it is a no parking lot but parking there will not block the flow and we do that all the time in Malaysia, don’t we? And and and that is a carpark in a shopping complex for christsake!! It happened 2-May-08 and now only I received the summon telling me this f***ing violation! Shooot! I just did that again 3 days ago!!!

Ok, it's done. Anyway, I wont be any happier to die with 500 richer or 1000. Oh, it works!

*******

Checking through my blog for time information isn't really the best way because i seldom accurately link the incident to exact date. Sometimes it reflects the time of posting not occurrence. Why not? "When" isn't that important to me for the past incidents unless it marked a very significant milestone of my life. Ironically, date is of utmost importance in my work!!

打電話搵暑期工

Cambodia in Retrospect

Wanna know about Cambodia, Phnom Penh and Angkor Wat? Ask me! haha In case you are not aware, i lived in Cambodia for FIVE years *gasp! i still find it hard to believe* Frankly i didn't really feel very excited living there then, *sigh, I should... but strangely i am now excited in retrospect* but mind you, except me, everybody else that i know finds it heaven and i am telling you the truth! Cambodia is liken to Malaysia in 60s if not better then. Many elders feel like they have gone back to old times and reborn. I would, from now on, sometimes write about Khmer people, food and places whichever and whenever the glimpse of Cambodia flashes through my mind. For few reasons, i start looking back my past five-year-life there. I start missing you lovely Cambodians, *i do...*

我在柬埔寨生活了整五年。这五年里当然有不少值得回味的时刻，所以乘这些回忆还没消失前，让我把捉到点滴不时化成文字抄下来。柬埔寨就像６０年代的马来西亚，所以对一些稍年长的人会有仿佛回到过去的感觉，生命仿佛有从来一次错觉，他们很兴奋地向我形容着他们的天堂。
突然会去回忆金边的时光背后是有好几个理由的。既然理由都已经象沙爹串了起来，那我就来个一箭两三雕好了，像吃沙爹一样慢慢回味我以前在那黄金五年里给留下的痕迹。。。

女黑侠木兰花

这是女黑侠木兰花系列小说之『无风自动』后第６１集吗？蒙古明模炸尸凶案！对啦，我迟了。最近才真正关注这个大马超级Ｘ档案。读了很多关于此案的证人口供，法庭证词语录和路人的分析。惊觉可能牵涉的人物是如此重量级，足以让大马政坛风云变天。凶杀手法之残忍让我切齿，头部被特种部队枪手开了两枪后再被炸弹专家用Ｃ４把尸体炸烂。她到底知道了什么天大的秘密惹来如此之杀生之祸？此案还在审讯中，不便过于讨论。要是木兰花，穆秀珍和高翔都在，再加上云氏兄弟，事情就好办多了。

你不知道木小姐阿姨是谁？好，让叔叔哥哥唱给你知。。。

The End of Life

"Till Death Do Us Apart" is one of the lines sworn in marriage vows. Love is great but Death is even more powerful that tears apart everything. By the way, is the sentence correct? Grammatically i thought it should be "Till Death DOES Us Apart". Damn, going to talk about Death and why should i mind the language so much?!

*******

Friend says:

my old classmate just passed away from cancer today. life is so unpredictable. sigh

Maxk says:

cancer at the age of 30s???!

Friend says:

yeah.

Maxk says:

what cancer?

Friend says:

dignosed last year, was feeling better

then in 1 month, just getting worse and then he is gone

Maxk says:

sorry to hear that. he got a family of his own?

Friend says:

yeah. with a one year old baby

sometimes, make me wonder everything is fate

so, why be miserable

and always think that we have time to enjoy later

Maxk says:

i always think that sorrows is an art and most of the time it is more meaningful than the happiness but i mean the bearable ones, not at the expense of ending a life.

few month ago i too received an sms that my old classmate's husband passed away from leukemia and he is one year younger than me!

Friend says:

I am definitely not as philosophical as u

*******

No i am not philosophical, I am just trying to provide myself some answers to the puzzles and riddles of life that are not comprehensible to me. Yes i am philosophical because this is my way to make me believe everything happens with a reason, so that i would not be lost in this world. I believe this is the reason why the philosophy develops and comes into our life. Many wise men, over thousand of years, come out with ideas, plausible explanations, even guidelines to follow so that one could pass the his lifetime a relatively easier and less fearful way. Along with the progress of human civilization, philosophy becomes more complex but always find its way to reach to the needed.

However, there is a place that beyond men's wisdom, there is a matter beyond philosophical explanation, it is DEATH. Philosophy expresses the living art in fresh, it describes and suggest an attitude and it rationales matters that happen in our surrounding. Unfortunately philosophy does not tell why man dies. Maybe science does but it does not tell when or where the spirit leaves. Death marks a complete end of a man, all deeds, traces, stories and works totally vanish from the earth. Completely gone. How scary and sad even just thinking of it. I am a believer in art of life but when it comes to death issue, believing in philosophy and art just does not seem adequate. Maybe scriptures could tell more about it and probably spiritual faith at this time a better way to comfort a sorrow soul that is overshadowed by death. Spiritual sorrow takes spiritual way to heal.

*******

Pretty heavy topic to talk about huh? But it does happen and it happens many times a day. Before the time, let's make sure we live the life we want,no regret, we all got only one time chance.

深奥的悲傷、肤浅的快乐

我對古董，藝術品是一竅不通。我甚至觉得它是一门很好笑的学问，因为有时穷人不稀罕的烂东西有钱人会视之为珍贵。虽然古董也是实质的物品　但是它是属于比较精神层次的玩意儿。我对它印象认知就是古老与稀有。因为古董都很贵　所以不是一般人都有能力参与。不要说收藏了，我连鉴定都不会。一副看似简单的作品但就是标价上万。要怎么鉴定一件物品的价钱呢？如果有兴趣的话要怎么着手呢？有個綜藝節目就請來了蔡康永來淡淡他對這方面的心得。我還蠻感興趣的、想說多了解一項投資的學問。我也很喜歡蔡康永的智慧跟態度、只不過對他的人生觀還是會有一定的過濾，畢竟他的出生背景顯赫與我大不同。可是往往會從他不經意掉出來的字句裏學到很棒的人生哲理。

蔡康永被問说如果要投資藝術品的話是不是走越悲伤路线的物件就比较有有增值的空間？说得也是，雖然古董還是和年份比較有關係，但是爲什麽藝術品都多是以悲伤为主题、作者悲剧人生更会为作品增加不少悲情值、越早蒙主恩召、驾鹤西归的作家也会引起收藏家的追捧。蔡康永说你不觉得快乐是一件很肤浅的事情吗？ 所以以收藏古董、藝術品的角度来看，其实悲伤是比快乐有价值的，悲伤是值得用上万金钱来保存的。所以快乐并不是什么值得炫耀的事情，反倒我们常常埋怨悲伤太多殊不知原来是具升值潛能的藝術品。讽刺的是，在现实的世界里，泪水换不了面粉，感嘆买不了米饭。每天上演实实在在的現在式悲剧是没有收藏价值的。收藏家要的是過去式悲伤、是死物投射出来的记忆、已经不具杀伤力命运。

生命也不就是个收藏家吗，但是它迷恋的却是真实的悲伤、它中意的是進行式的患難、不是吗？有时一个人静静听者音乐也会莫名悲伤起来，看着酒杯也会不自主的优愁起来，看着生日蛋糕上的蜡烛也会引来一场惆怅 ...
2000千年前有位智者曾說喜筵是膚淺的、要往喪禮去、因爲悲傷的的地方隱藏着生命的意義。所以悲傷憂愁其實可以是一件美好的藝術賞禮、未必就一定是沉重灰暗的厄運。

只是，我希望生命不要太沉迷于那些深奥的悲伤，肤浅的快乐也让人相当期待。

最近跳跃式地拜访了好几个中英文部落格，文字多都围绕着悲伤优愁的事件。哈，我发现原来大家对悲伤艺术还蛮有研究，当然也很高兴从这些艺术达人的角度来欣赏这即普通又深奥学问。最近你生命可有收藏那些好作品，可否拿出来一起分享啊？

Camel's Talk

Skills , Knowledge, Abilities and Experiences are only useful if you are at the right place !
Where are you now?

拾输行头，惨过败家

女上司手舞足蹈话说当年如何为我们的部门争取最大的空间。她比我高多两级。上我一级的是位男上司绵羊先生，他温和，与世无争的性格常常导致我们的部门陪着吃闷亏。所以女上司就像女侠一样要常常出面争取，有时就像个蛮不讲理的泼妇，为的还不就是我们这班跟着她的，她自豪地说 “拾输行头，惨过败家！”　广东话马马虎虎的我没听懂她的名句『啊？什么败家子？什么意识？』 “哎呀，是拾输行头，惨过败家，就是说如果你不去争取你连败家子也不如！”

她单身，样貌虽平平，但工作才干一流，在我们这行里算是出名人物。我在旧公司的时候就听闻她的大名 。她的工作态度忠诚得让我惊叹。处处精打细算怎样帮公司赚钱省钱，每天“度计仔”，有事没事就跑过来问说 “你认为这条计仔行得通吗？”， “你有没有计仔？” 多至上亿，小至几千块，管钱管得很密不透风。今年公司被选为亚洲最佳管理团队，相信她居功甚伟。

她热情，豪爽，也细心，鸡婆。今天早上载她上班。一上车 “早晨！你有没有听说STEVEN 跟 鸡毛先生 (因为他拿着鸡毛当令箭) 好象闹僵了是吧？” 『是吗？我不知道叻。』 “你怎么收风那么差劲” 『那你怎么知道的』 “他们的Email飞来飞去，传到我这里来了” 『O，难怪你知道了，当然啦，你是上司他们当然会知会你，我又没收到那些Email，所以就不知道呀』 “艾呀，平时也要去收风阿，你跟其他人应该没问题吧？鸡毛先生 还应付得了吧？” 『嗯，我OK，自从那次在英国经理先生房间大吵一顿后，就没有什么太大的问题了』 “有这事？！” 『对啊，我知道鸡毛先生 身份特殊，平时已经忍让，但是他那次过分越权，所以我去找了英国先生，当时财政先生也在，英国先生就当着我们面前左一句 Bullshit 右一句 Nonsense，他现在收敛很多了』 “对了，绵羊先生 掉了回去，英国先生说约满后也要退休了，没有了阿头领军，你还应付的来吗？” 『我OK，我和英国先生合作的4个项目都步上轨道而且也接近完成，我方面问题不大』 “你的马女，莎莎小姐，大肚三个月了，顶多还可以做多三个月，你又要少个助手了，你怎么办？” 『之前她没告诉我她怀孕了，我得从新安排，不行的话再向你求救。』

女上司今天又请客了，可能是要为Y先生饯行，但是没有明示，就像一般餐聚。今天是Y先生的最后工作天。餐后，女上司提起了Y先生的太太。『哇，你和Y先生的太太很熟吗？怎么会去找她吃饭？』 女上司掩着嘴笑得有点尴尬说 “我是去了解一下Y先生的状况，希望借由他的老婆劝劝Y先生留下，那天还是周末叻，但是无计啦，希望为公司留人才，可是也没成功。”

回到公司，她拿出了一本小笔记，打开来指着上面五六个名字问我说 “这个人是谁？” 『不知到』“这个呢？是穿红衣的那位吗？” 『尔，不知道』 “要死了，都是你部门的叻，怎么会不认识他们？怎么当阿头！” 『他们只是我的助手的助手，和其他阿头的助手的助手，平时真的没有怎么接触，所有就不记得名字』 “不可以酱，一定要去认识他们，你看就连我也在背着他们的名字了，不但要记得他们的名字，平时也要跟他们哈拉，打招呼，这都不必花钱的，要主动接近下属阿。” 『好好好，知道了』 她就酱走了开去 跟她的下属~我，的下属的下属，哈拉了起来。

转换生活跑道

转换生活跑道不是像拐个弯一点都不简单。要有胆，要像杀红了眼的将军一样勇往直前，要坚持，要像虔诚的牧师一样持守信仰。要有勇气，很多的勇气，少了一点都不行而且一路上要不断勇了再更勇。的确如此，除了要勇敢放弃现在的，熟悉的，习惯的，自在的　更要勇敢面对未知的，不擅长的，不习惯的，更要命的是违背自己的。

没有问原因，因为就算知道我也未必认同，我当然知道这不是一两天的决定，所以我尊重那个理由的存在。既然决定结婚生子，我当然祝福。总之如果以上的勇气都具备了，就算万一后悔也有余力扶著最后一根稻草走完一生，那就去吧。真的，这世上没有绝对的对或错。

但我倒觉得没有必要跟这女孩子交代之前的历史，为了诚实所以要告知，我不以为然。况且她未必想知道，这也无关诚实与否，因为你之前爱谁对她不应该有任何意义，重要的是你能否以后都只爱她。你所谓的诚实只会引来杯弓蛇影的情绪，没必要跟阴影挤在同一个屋子里。如果真的对这份感情诚实了就不应该还没开始就为自己找脱罪的理由。

曾经有在网路上看过一个中国中年人在奥洲转换生活跑道的故事。我几乎是摇著头看完整个访谈。我看见一个被现实扭曲的男人。主持人问“后悔吗？” 他用力吸了一口气，眨眼间那被血丝爬满的眼角泛了泪光，他凝视著玻璃窗前方的高楼大厦，视线弥留在最远方的尽头，他几乎忘了有个问题还等著他。“你后悔了吗？” 要不是主持人的第二次问题呼唤，我想他的元神会就此一走了之。他回神之后只无奈的笑了一笑，始终没有回答。他用着余力撑着稻草，不让它压倒自己。

Stress

I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description before looking at the picture.

The picture below has 2 dolphins in it, It was used in a case study on STRESS level at St. Mary's Hospital.

Look at the dolphins jumping out of water. The dolphins are identical. A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the face that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would actually find DIFFERENCES in the two dolphins.

The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing. Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a vacation, seriously.

Ready ? Relax, breath normally and here you go.... [Dolphins Photo]