Somedays.. All I really miss is Fortitude Valley and Sunshine..
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Avoiding a Disaster
Couldn't stand the thought of her cooking again.
Decided I shall walk out to buy prata.
Sheesh.
ANYTHING to make my Saturday a better one :s
- 25 March 2006 7:26pm -
Decided I shall walk out to buy prata.
Sheesh.
ANYTHING to make my Saturday a better one :s
- 25 March 2006 7:26pm -
Second Last Book
Been a really hectic week. It seems every Saturday is my breathing day and I've also noticed how jealously I guard it from 'intrusion'. Almost as soon as I was awake I already got irritated with my dad for calling my name repeatedly whilst I was still asleep. Then I remembered I'd deprived him of one entire night of internet in order to coordinate last night's events, so I just swallowed it.
Last night I managed to successfully coordinate a match between our staff and a team Andy has chosen to sponsor (but no one's ever heard of, prior to that) - Team XR.
I had several objectives I felt were necessary to meet in that one match. I really wanted to determine XR's matching standards. It's cos Andy had never seen them play before and agreed to sponsor them despite that. If they were good and trained regularly, it would be obvious. I actually decided to field those of my staff who would play well despite anything and I must say I think I made a few good judgments here. My staff had never trained together as a team before, two of them are non-competitive players, but they managed to put up a very tough fight. The ending score was very close.
Also, I wanted to test out our match coordination/organisation abilities. Andy has this big dream of holding a nation-wide league one day. To be honest, I know he expects me to do most of the organising (as usual). I wanna know what I'm getting myself into. Although this set of matches was completely my idea, and I organised it this time around, I am hoping to format a way to delegate out duties when the actual league (if it ever does, Rz is not so sure) comes around.
The match last night, as far as I am concerned, was a success, though it left one or two of my staff feeling quite demoralised.
I must say, though, I haven't decided if all that before-match fuss was worth it. Up until late Thursday night, I wasn't sure if I had a team to field even. I had gotten quite fed up at some of my staff's flippant behaviour, including Andy, for instead of helping me, he suddenly told me, last minute, to include another team in last night's events. He even said he'd forgotten when the match was to be held, which resulted in a delay concerning the match and HLTV servers.
So maybe Rz is quite right in saying a league will never happen if left to Andy's devices. I've to admit when he said that earlier, I felt like a traitor even listening to him saying that, but now I think it's true too. Sad but true. Sad for sgWar but true of Andy.
At least my recent staff reshuffle has put some well-deserving and well-performing people into places where they can be of better service to us. Like Recaro. He was a key factor in last night's success. He volunteered last minute to help and so I had the brilliant, albeit risky, idea of putting him in the match server as a marshall, whilst I, behind the scenes, made sure everyone was present on time by employing an, ahem, unique combination of calling people up and yelling at them to report in. Actually I was feeling exhausted by the entire thing and didn't exactly want to do it (the marshalling) myself, haha, but seriously, its tiring work trying to be a sheepdog - herding players around :s
Apart from that, I've been trying to keep up with schoolwork and it's making me see stars! Reading portions have doubled! All because I took on one final year subject -.-" Yeah I know, I didn't know what I was thinking then.
Oh and last week or so, I finally bought my copy of the Half Blood Prince. Yes I know I'm really late. But I couldn't bear to read it because its the second last book :( And now i'm half-way through the book, re-reading chapters even as I go along.
How time really flies, its coming to the end of March :(
- 25 March 2006 2:52pm -
Last night I managed to successfully coordinate a match between our staff and a team Andy has chosen to sponsor (but no one's ever heard of, prior to that) - Team XR.
I had several objectives I felt were necessary to meet in that one match. I really wanted to determine XR's matching standards. It's cos Andy had never seen them play before and agreed to sponsor them despite that. If they were good and trained regularly, it would be obvious. I actually decided to field those of my staff who would play well despite anything and I must say I think I made a few good judgments here. My staff had never trained together as a team before, two of them are non-competitive players, but they managed to put up a very tough fight. The ending score was very close.
Also, I wanted to test out our match coordination/organisation abilities. Andy has this big dream of holding a nation-wide league one day. To be honest, I know he expects me to do most of the organising (as usual). I wanna know what I'm getting myself into. Although this set of matches was completely my idea, and I organised it this time around, I am hoping to format a way to delegate out duties when the actual league (if it ever does, Rz is not so sure) comes around.
The match last night, as far as I am concerned, was a success, though it left one or two of my staff feeling quite demoralised.
I must say, though, I haven't decided if all that before-match fuss was worth it. Up until late Thursday night, I wasn't sure if I had a team to field even. I had gotten quite fed up at some of my staff's flippant behaviour, including Andy, for instead of helping me, he suddenly told me, last minute, to include another team in last night's events. He even said he'd forgotten when the match was to be held, which resulted in a delay concerning the match and HLTV servers.
So maybe Rz is quite right in saying a league will never happen if left to Andy's devices. I've to admit when he said that earlier, I felt like a traitor even listening to him saying that, but now I think it's true too. Sad but true. Sad for sgWar but true of Andy.
At least my recent staff reshuffle has put some well-deserving and well-performing people into places where they can be of better service to us. Like Recaro. He was a key factor in last night's success. He volunteered last minute to help and so I had the brilliant, albeit risky, idea of putting him in the match server as a marshall, whilst I, behind the scenes, made sure everyone was present on time by employing an, ahem, unique combination of calling people up and yelling at them to report in. Actually I was feeling exhausted by the entire thing and didn't exactly want to do it (the marshalling) myself, haha, but seriously, its tiring work trying to be a sheepdog - herding players around :s
Apart from that, I've been trying to keep up with schoolwork and it's making me see stars! Reading portions have doubled! All because I took on one final year subject -.-" Yeah I know, I didn't know what I was thinking then.
Oh and last week or so, I finally bought my copy of the Half Blood Prince. Yes I know I'm really late. But I couldn't bear to read it because its the second last book :( And now i'm half-way through the book, re-reading chapters even as I go along.
How time really flies, its coming to the end of March :(
- 25 March 2006 2:52pm -
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Nastiest day in months..
Started out my day with a massive headache. All because my father switched off the fan and left the house whilst I was still sleeping and it got too hot around 1030am. Even a shower didn't stop the throbbing. Was feeling too lousy to bother to cook anything else, so I had plain porridge for lunch.
When he came back, she was with him again. And she HAD to wash his bedlinen AGAIN. So she took up my entire kitchen with pails and who knows what else. With all that banging about in the kitchen and everything. I waited about an hour to wash my dishes.
In the end I got sick of waiting. Sick of looking at the dishes on my desk, so I washed them in my bathroom instead. Sometimes I think she is doing all this just to show the world her wondrous contributions to my father's life.
Words like "I've had enough" would be an understatement, after putting up with six long years of her irritable presence. So I shut myself up in my room. Tried to shut out her noise.
Then my dad came to tell me she was cooking, and I was to eat dinner with them.
Like OMG. The moment he said it, I'd already lost whatever appetite I had.
As expected, dinner was spectacular. Fusion food at its best. Wonder why I couldn't stomach anything.
Chicken and onions in soya sauce and baked beans?
Carrot and Onions with gouzi (some chinese herbs she took from my cupboard) soup =.="
I decided to stick to my humble porridge in the end.
After dinner I shut myself up again. I just felt sick to the core. Most of it was not physical, but was feeling extremely perturbed by her intrusion and inconsiderate behaviour. (Bad cooking aside.)
After awhile my father came to tell me we were leaving for my grandad's, girlfriend non-inclusive. (My grandad would freak out and my dad would not be foolish enough to risk that.) But I told dad I wasn't going. I can't even remember what excuse I gave him. My head was just spinning.
Tonight I'm sleeping early. I don't think I wanna wait til he comes home. It's enough pain and discomfort for one day.
- 18 March 2006 10:55pm -
When he came back, she was with him again. And she HAD to wash his bedlinen AGAIN. So she took up my entire kitchen with pails and who knows what else. With all that banging about in the kitchen and everything. I waited about an hour to wash my dishes.
In the end I got sick of waiting. Sick of looking at the dishes on my desk, so I washed them in my bathroom instead. Sometimes I think she is doing all this just to show the world her wondrous contributions to my father's life.
Words like "I've had enough" would be an understatement, after putting up with six long years of her irritable presence. So I shut myself up in my room. Tried to shut out her noise.
Then my dad came to tell me she was cooking, and I was to eat dinner with them.
Like OMG. The moment he said it, I'd already lost whatever appetite I had.
As expected, dinner was spectacular. Fusion food at its best. Wonder why I couldn't stomach anything.
Chicken and onions in soya sauce and baked beans?
Carrot and Onions with gouzi (some chinese herbs she took from my cupboard) soup =.="
I decided to stick to my humble porridge in the end.
After dinner I shut myself up again. I just felt sick to the core. Most of it was not physical, but was feeling extremely perturbed by her intrusion and inconsiderate behaviour. (Bad cooking aside.)
After awhile my father came to tell me we were leaving for my grandad's, girlfriend non-inclusive. (My grandad would freak out and my dad would not be foolish enough to risk that.) But I told dad I wasn't going. I can't even remember what excuse I gave him. My head was just spinning.
Tonight I'm sleeping early. I don't think I wanna wait til he comes home. It's enough pain and discomfort for one day.
- 18 March 2006 10:55pm -
Friday, March 17, 2006
Coffee Milkshakes and Mellow Thoughts
Had a peaceful day out yesterday. It was some time since I ventured onto the same-old same-old Orchard Road. (Coming from someone who used to frequent Orchard Road at least 4-5 times a week in the past, that's really something lol.)
Recently I'd been having coffee milkshake cravings. It all started when I met up with G over the last weekend at Marina Square. Had a huge Billy Bombers' coffee shake to myself. Glory! So yesterday at MOS Burger I put aside the voice in my head and ordered their coffee shake. It arrived deliciously white and frothy, the only thing betraying its vanilla shake appearance were the miniscule coffee specks.
Whilst allowing the thick liquid to slide down my throat, I found myself just wondering.. When was the last time I could say confidently that I was truly and completely happy? Has life turned me into someone else? Have I forgotten what it means to be young? To be happy?
Maybe its better to be like those empty people around. Maybe its less heartache to dressed up to reveal everything, spend loads of $ on small things, force one's body to eat nothing.
Well someone said to me on MSN today: "You're just jealous."
Jealous of such foolishness? I'd never even thought of it before. But now that I have, why in the world would I want to spend money on something called an outfit and have it fit less than 1/5 of my body? I mean, yeah bikinis and all manner of under-clothing aside.
And why would I wanna spend so much on a stupid bag that can't even hold more than my handphone and my keys?
Perhaps after all this is said and done, enlightenment is required to purge all our spending regrets and can only be achieved if we deprive ourselves of food! So eating nothing for meals is hence justified.
"Oh, oh and its good for your figure as well!"
...
Anyway I was thinking back to my poly days. Kris and co. and those endless Saturdays at the beach. Somehow in my mind all the Saturdays seem to be rolled into one.
All that sunshine.
Looking back I feel blessed with such friends who didn't care what the trends of the day were. Such liberation :)
Well Kris, I really admire you sometimes, and I've told you that before. Who says fat people can't do yoga? Go girl! ^^
Funny how looking at my range of friends, I realise I seem to have found the truest friendship in all manner of unlikely places.
Maybe it is this loathing of conformity and being just another face in the cookie-cutter crowd that repels me more than anything, preventing me from fitting in anywhere I go.
- 16 March 2006 5:50pm -
Recently I'd been having coffee milkshake cravings. It all started when I met up with G over the last weekend at Marina Square. Had a huge Billy Bombers' coffee shake to myself. Glory! So yesterday at MOS Burger I put aside the voice in my head and ordered their coffee shake. It arrived deliciously white and frothy, the only thing betraying its vanilla shake appearance were the miniscule coffee specks.
Whilst allowing the thick liquid to slide down my throat, I found myself just wondering.. When was the last time I could say confidently that I was truly and completely happy? Has life turned me into someone else? Have I forgotten what it means to be young? To be happy?
Maybe its better to be like those empty people around. Maybe its less heartache to dressed up to reveal everything, spend loads of $ on small things, force one's body to eat nothing.
Well someone said to me on MSN today: "You're just jealous."
Jealous of such foolishness? I'd never even thought of it before. But now that I have, why in the world would I want to spend money on something called an outfit and have it fit less than 1/5 of my body? I mean, yeah bikinis and all manner of under-clothing aside.
And why would I wanna spend so much on a stupid bag that can't even hold more than my handphone and my keys?
Perhaps after all this is said and done, enlightenment is required to purge all our spending regrets and can only be achieved if we deprive ourselves of food! So eating nothing for meals is hence justified.
"Oh, oh and its good for your figure as well!"
...
Anyway I was thinking back to my poly days. Kris and co. and those endless Saturdays at the beach. Somehow in my mind all the Saturdays seem to be rolled into one.
All that sunshine.
Looking back I feel blessed with such friends who didn't care what the trends of the day were. Such liberation :)
Well Kris, I really admire you sometimes, and I've told you that before. Who says fat people can't do yoga? Go girl! ^^
Funny how looking at my range of friends, I realise I seem to have found the truest friendship in all manner of unlikely places.
Maybe it is this loathing of conformity and being just another face in the cookie-cutter crowd that repels me more than anything, preventing me from fitting in anywhere I go.
- 16 March 2006 5:50pm -
Friday, March 10, 2006
Finally Tomorrow
Tomorrow is his medical appointment and I'm slightly frantic. Actually I've been frantic since he first told me about it last month. Through the month, I've learnt that sometimes the best way to deal with everything is to pretend nothing is happening.
So I've kept myself busy.
How fast a month goes past when one's days and nights are full. It is finally tomorrow tomorrow.
Part of me wants to be by his side tomorrow, but I don't know if I should go along with him. I don't know if I can bear it.
I don't want to see my world to collaspe right in front of me again.
- 10 March 2006 9:26pm -
So I've kept myself busy.
How fast a month goes past when one's days and nights are full. It is finally tomorrow tomorrow.
Part of me wants to be by his side tomorrow, but I don't know if I should go along with him. I don't know if I can bear it.
I don't want to see my world to collaspe right in front of me again.
- 10 March 2006 9:26pm -
Monday, March 06, 2006
Dazzled
Been feeling quite restricted recently by erm, my family situation.
Seems like I was busy struggling and months pass just like that.
Guess so much has happened in the span of a few days leading to weeks and months..
That I am completely dazzled.
I am sitting here trying to absorb it all and I find my vocabulary limited..
And my brain treathening to fail me.
Uni's started, PC's going well.
But I still feel kinda flappy.
Kind of drained. Kind of not-myself.
I'm terrified that it is already March.
Where did Christmas go?? :s
I don't want April to come :c
I kinda wish I could hunt for the right picture to put up with my entry.
Like I always used to do.
But I don't have photoshop for the time being so I can't distract myself with pixels.
I'm mourning but not mournful.
Sad but not upset.
Found but still lost.
Blogging but not making sense.
- 6 March 2006 2:21pm -
Seems like I was busy struggling and months pass just like that.
Guess so much has happened in the span of a few days leading to weeks and months..
That I am completely dazzled.
I am sitting here trying to absorb it all and I find my vocabulary limited..
And my brain treathening to fail me.
Uni's started, PC's going well.
But I still feel kinda flappy.
Kind of drained. Kind of not-myself.
I'm terrified that it is already March.
Where did Christmas go?? :s
I don't want April to come :c
I kinda wish I could hunt for the right picture to put up with my entry.
Like I always used to do.
But I don't have photoshop for the time being so I can't distract myself with pixels.
I'm mourning but not mournful.
Sad but not upset.
Found but still lost.
Blogging but not making sense.
- 6 March 2006 2:21pm -
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Saying "NO"
My computer came home yesterday after 5 days with my uncle. It couldn't save a single document because something in the registry changed and it couldn't detect my Windows XP properly.
It's also more stable now, which I am really grateful for. Before that it kept restarting on its own, especially whenever I talk to my dear ones in Brissy #%&!%#*!@*%!
Recently also, I feel extremely washed out. I feel like I've been burdened down with the many expectations of others recently. It's not just the expectation to do well in my studies.
I noticed that many people perceive me as having plenty of time on my hands. It shows in their little comments and remarks. It also shows when they push certain responsibilities on me.
And the perfectionist in me will aggravate things by taking the extra work on anyway.
I've decided I must learn how to say NO.
I guess it is because moving back here has placed me back squarely in the middle of everyone's busy lives and they think nothing of their demands because "So what are you doing now? What?! No job? Study only?!"
Study only. I wish.
Don't forget apart from taking a full load of study I am looking for a part-time job. Don't forget I still have my share of housework. Don't forget I have to care for my dad and that involves cooking.
The funny thing about people here now, is that they seem to think cooking consists of buying and then reheating packed food. That was what someone mentioned to me when I mentioned "I've to go home and cook". "Oh so you going to tapow for your dad ah? Easy right? Later use microwave.. reheat....."
I'm sure you can imagine my expression.
- 4 March 2006 1:49pm -
It's also more stable now, which I am really grateful for. Before that it kept restarting on its own, especially whenever I talk to my dear ones in Brissy #%&!%#*!@*%!
Recently also, I feel extremely washed out. I feel like I've been burdened down with the many expectations of others recently. It's not just the expectation to do well in my studies.
I noticed that many people perceive me as having plenty of time on my hands. It shows in their little comments and remarks. It also shows when they push certain responsibilities on me.
And the perfectionist in me will aggravate things by taking the extra work on anyway.
I've decided I must learn how to say NO.
I guess it is because moving back here has placed me back squarely in the middle of everyone's busy lives and they think nothing of their demands because "So what are you doing now? What?! No job? Study only?!"
Study only. I wish.
Don't forget apart from taking a full load of study I am looking for a part-time job. Don't forget I still have my share of housework. Don't forget I have to care for my dad and that involves cooking.
The funny thing about people here now, is that they seem to think cooking consists of buying and then reheating packed food. That was what someone mentioned to me when I mentioned "I've to go home and cook". "Oh so you going to tapow for your dad ah? Easy right? Later use microwave.. reheat....."
I'm sure you can imagine my expression.
- 4 March 2006 1:49pm -
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